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4. Men and Femininity
"What is most beautiful in virile men is
something feminine.....what is most beautiful in feminine women is something
masculine." ~ Susan Sontag
Femininity in
males is about feeling like a woman, being endowed with feminine energies, a
true appreciation and understanding of femininity in others. It is a need for
relating with and bonding with the feminine or the female.
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Embracing femininity
"The ideal relationship between the two
aspects of a man should be that the male part is dominant with the feminine side
supporting and co-operating with it." ~ Michael G Millett, PhD
We are all two-spirited people, whether men
or women. We all have masculine and feminine energies within us. All ancient
cultures recognised this fact, whether our own Hindu philosophy which talks of
ardhnarishwar (Lord Shankar), i.e. the concept of male and female within
the same person, or the ancient tribes of America (Indian Americans) which
believed that every woman is born with a small penis (clitoris) and every man is
born with a small vagina.
It is only
that men have more masculine energy and their biological make-up is designed to
make the best of that energy. But they also need their feminine energy, without
which they will be crippled in dealing with many aspects of life and will not be
able to live it to the fullest. True and positive masculinity is not afraid of
the small streak of femininity within. It doesn't run away from it or avoid it,
but rather embraces it.
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The two-spirited males
"Nobody knows how we struggle for a living nor
how we feel when people insult us" ~ Jereena, an Indian Hijra
There are some males whose feminine energies
far exceed their masculine energy. Such males combine physical capabilities of
males with the powers of the feminine. This gives rise to a unique form of
power, which neither men nor women have. Nature has given them an important role
in human life. They are the link between men and women by being both men and
women.
All ancient
cultures respected and valued such people. They were supposed to have unique
spiritual and healing powers. The original god in most cultures is seen as a
hermaphrodite having both male and female energies. In the beginning, they say,
there was only one god with both male and female energies within him with which
he created other gods and the world.
In the
ancient world, such males were valued and given a special place in society,
often as priests, healers, astrologers, etc. They were the link between men and
women, who otherwise lived separate lives. They participated equally in the
reproduction process. In North American Indian tribes, they were known as the
'two-spirited' people.
The way our
society has evolved, it has tried to suppress femininity in males. The earlier
two-spirited males have been persecuted for centuries as the 'abnormal' and
'sick' third sex. This has affected the lives of men and how we think, feel and
behave today. Men in general have become hateful and scared of femininity inside
them and in other men. The society has manipulated this fear by artificially
defining what is masculine and what is feminine. And men have lost an important
source of natural power.
The worst
victims of this social oppression have been the two-spirited males of the
ancient world. After centuries of persecution, society has rendered them
useless. The earlier two-spirited people, who were both male and female, have
now become 'neither male nor female'. They are abused, exploited and thrown out
of the society. Their unique inner power has become extremely negative and
self-destroying. In our country, such people are known as hijras. In the
heterosexual West, they are the gender and sexual minority which includes
transsexuals, transvestites and homosexuals.
The society
holds hijras as an example of what will happen to men if they don't
comply with the social and sexual roles of men fixed by the society. Men
instinctively fear this destiny. They quietly comply with the social masculinity
imposed upon them without questioning it. And they fear the hijra within.
Men will
never be able to liberate themselves from their oppression unless they overcome
this fear of the social namard label. Only a respect for and acceptance
of one's femininity and those in others, plus a respect for the feminine males
(third gender), can take them towards being a complete man.
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Respecting women's rights
"Larger freedom implies that men and women
everywhere have the right to be governed by their own consent" ~ Kofi Annan
Men and women
have both been victims of the same social mechanism, which has very rigid roles
for both of them, harming both the groups. The idea earlier was to bring man and
woman together into a social union called marriage. The ultimate aim was to
raise populations beyond the natural rate to make civilisations possible at a
time when child mortality was high, life-expectancy was low, mating between
male-female was low and people were settling in remote, uninhabited areas. Both
men and women had to make immense sacrifices under this mechanism and this
gradually resulted in their oppression.
While men's
oppression was silent and invisible, women have been openly persecuted for
thousands of years. For centuries they have been confined within the four walls
of the marriage system, where they were only good for procreating and raising
children. For long society has considered them the property of men, with no
identity, desires or needs of their own. Especially in the middle ages, her
condition deteriorated considerably and the society was unconcerned.
Even though
reproduction and raising children are the primary drive of women, they too want
to go out and experience the world. They have talents and qualities that they
too would like to develop. They are intelligent and capable people who would
like to take their own decisions and control their own lives, including
decisions like marriage and children.
Because it is
visible, society has for long recognised the oppression of women and has taken
steps to correct it. But the attitudes of men have not changed significantly,
hence not much has been achieved. Men, on their part, are so insensitive to
their own needs, that they cannot be expected to be sensitive to the needs of
women. Women's programmes need to stop looking at men as oppressors and start
looking at how men too have been the victims of the same social mechanism that
women suffer from. Men and women have to work together to subvert the oppressive
system. We no longer need to increase our population, so we have no need for the
oppressive social mechanism of rewards and punishments. We should now start
thinking about redressing the damages. It is high time to talk about destroying
old oppressive mechanisms and build new institutions suited to today's ground
realities.
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Equality an unreasonable
goal
"Women who seek equality with men lack
ambition" ~ Timothy Leary
The women's liberation movement has, at
places, diverted from its basic goal. The modern heterosexual society wants
women to be just like men: doing what men do, behaving like men behave and being
wherever they are.
Equality
should not mean being the same. It should not deprive men and women of their
separate spaces. Women and men are not the same. They have been endowed by
nature with different capabilities and aspirations. We should respect this
difference and not try to subvert it through social maneuvers. Every individual
should be able to live up to his or her full potential. The society should not
force him/her to be like the other. They need to respect each other with their
differences. Men who are in touch with their inner masculinity become sensitive
and caring of themselves and other men, and are also naturally inclined to treat
women with respect.
Perhaps the
best social system would be where women decide on issues regarding women and men
decide on issues regarding men. Otherwise, both will continue to try to
subjugate each other, since their needs differ too much from each other. And
then politics, abuse and exploitation of each other is inevitable. In such a
situation, the third gender/two-spirited people can resume their natural role of
coordinating the relations between the two groups for proper functioning of
society.
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